


Take Anything You Want From Me

by AmyPond45



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Angel/Human Relationships, Bottom Jared, Fallen Angel Jared, Interspecies Romance, M/M, Sassy Angel Danneel, Supernatural Reverse Big Bang Challenge 2018, Top Jensen, accident-prone Jensen, angel!Jared
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-08
Updated: 2018-11-08
Packaged: 2019-08-17 14:49:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 16,149
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16518542
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AmyPond45/pseuds/AmyPond45
Summary: Jared is a newly-made guardian angel, Jensen’s his charge. Jensen is reckless and prone to accidents, so Jared has his work cut out for him, saving Jensen from burning buildings, dangerous falls, near-miss car accidents. Jensen just wants to see Jared, to hear his voice, to feel his touch. He might be a little in love.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Many, many thanks to [2BlueShoes](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Forhimxx/pseuds/2BlueShoes), my fearless beta, [blondebitz](https://archiveofourown.org/users/blondebitz/pseuds/blondebitz), the amazing artist who prompted this fic, and the mods of the SPN-Reversebang. Y’all rock! Title is from “Little Wing,” by Jimi Hendrix.

“Damn it, Jen! Don’t do that again! We thought we’d lost you there, buddy.”

Jensen blinks awake from the most incredible dream he’s ever had to find his commanding officer (and sometime lover) kneeling over him on one side, a grim-faced paramedic on the other. His chest is on fire and his head hurts. He’s still lying on the ground and he can smell blood.

“He’s stable enough for transport,” the paramedic reports. Another paramedic gently pulls Jensen’s CO aside so he can lay a stretcher on the ground next to Jensen. There are flashing lights everywhere, and Jensen can hear the crackle of a radio.

“I’ll see you at the hospital,” Jeff Morgan promises, his voice fading as the painkillers start to kick in and Jensen’s eyes fall closed in relief.

He’s been shot. His mind registers that fact along with memories of the moments before it happened, when he started into the alley behind the building where some drug dealers were holed up. When the scrawny guy with the gun appeared out of a side door, Jensen barely had time to yell at him to drop his weapon before he opened fire.

In the split second before he was hit, Jensen could’ve sworn there was another guy, standing right behind the shooter, staring at Jensen over the top of the shooter’s head with a look of shocked dismay on his face.

It was the most gorgeous face Jensen had ever seen, hands down.

“There wasn’t anybody else there,” Jeff insists later.

They’re in the hospital, and Jensen’s on the mend. The doctors have informed him that he’s damn lucky to be alive. The bullet passed clean through his body, without hitting any major organs. He’ll need rehab and physical therapy after the wound heals, but barring some unexpected complication, he should be back on the job in a few weeks.

“I could’ve sworn I saw a guy,” Jensen says. “Tall, dark hair, shirtless. Right behind the shooter.”

“No customers, no users, no other dealers,” Jeff shakes his head. “We swept the place clean. Must’ve been an hallucination. Your brain can’t handle the fact that one scrawny kid could take you down like that.”

“Shut up,” Jensen grouses. “I could’ve sworn.”

“Nope.” Jeff shrugs. “Sounds like you need a little r & r. Sorry this is the way you’ll get it.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Jensen grumbles.

“You’ve been working too hard, son. All those extra shifts. It’s no wonder you ended up in a hospital. I’ve been telling you to slow down for months now.”

He doesn’t tell Jeff that he’s seen the strange guy before, more than once. He even knows the man’s name. He just can’t get anybody else to verify his existence.

He only shows up when Jensen’s in trouble.

And apparently, Jensen’s the only one who sees him.

It started a few months ago, when they got a report of a gas leak at an apartment building full of elderly residents. Jensen was helping people evacuate when the place just blew. One minute, Jensen was going back into the building to check one last time, just to be sure they got everybody out. The next thing he knew, he was being thrown hard by some invisible force, landing a few feet away on the sidewalk as the building exploded in flames.

When he looked up, dazed and bruised but otherwise unhurt, there was a man standing over him. The man was incredibly tall, especially from Jensen’s position on the ground, so that he looked like some kind of giant. His bare chest was heaving, his fists were clenched and his bare feet were planted wide. As Jensen stared up at him, the man rolled his shoulders, and Jensen could’ve sworn he saw the shadow of something huge and feathery rising up behind them.

They looked like wings.

As soon as that thought crossed Jensen’s mind, the man disappeared.

The second time Jensen saw the strange man was about a week later, when he answered a call about a convenience store hold-up. When Jensen ordered the shooter to drop his gun, the perp obeyed, although Jensen could’ve sworn he saw the gun fly right out of his hand, as if some invisible force had grabbed it and flung it against the wall.

The gunman collapsed a moment later, almost as if he was shoved. Jensen had no problem cuffing him and reading him his rights after that.

Jensen saw something move, and when he glanced up at the refrigerator cases he could’ve sworn he saw the same strange guy he’d seen the week before, reflected in the glass doors. But when Jensen turned to look over his shoulder, there was no one there.

A week after that, Jensen fell out of a fourth-floor window. That time, he wasn’t even working. He was at a buddy’s apartment for a party and he caught a glimpse of the mystery man standing outside, watching him.

“Hey!”

It took Jensen barely a minute to cross the room and reach through the open window to grab the man, ask him what the hell he was looking at. But then he was falling, hitting the ground with what should have been enough force to break a few bones, if it didn’t kill him.

But somehow he fell on a mattress, or something similarly soft, and just before he passed out Jensen could’ve sworn he felt feathers surrounding him. He could’ve sworn he saw the mysterious man’s face, hovering over him with a look of confusion and concern, could’ve sworn he heard the man ask a question.

“You can see me?”

“Yeah,” Jensen breathes, then he’s out.

Jensen decides there’s a pattern to the way the mysterious man shows up. He’s there when Jensen’s in danger, or when he gets hurt. It’s like the guy knows when something is about to happen, before it happens.

Jensen knows that’s crazy. He doesn’t tell anyone about his theory because he doesn’t want to get sent to a head doctor.

He’s also a little obsessed with the guy. He’s really beautiful, but that’s not all it is. There’s something about the way he looks at Jensen, like he’s special. Important. Like he knows something good about Jensen, something even Jensen himself doesn’t know.

Jensen became a cop because he doesn’t feel like a good guy at all. He feels like there’s something wrong with him, like his moral compass is off. Maybe it’s because his dad left when he was a kid and his mom raised him and his brother alone, working two jobs while Jensen felt twice abandoned and guilty because he barely ever saw her and he couldn’t help her. When she fell ill and died shortly after Jensen graduated from high school, Jensen felt like he’d failed again. His brother left a month later and never came back.

But Jensen doesn’t wallow in self-pity. He hates the very thought. He’s tough and determined to do good in the world despite the fact that he’s sure he can’t. Not really. Because there’s something wrong with him.

Becoming a cop was a way to atone for his crappy childhood. Maybe if his dad ever cared to find out what had happened to him, he’d be proud. Maybe he’d come home and reclaim the son he abandoned.

Probably not, but Jensen’s messed up enough in the head to hope.

The mysterious half-naked guy gives Jensen hope.

He starts testing his theory after his fall from the window. He goes to a biker bar and picks a fight. He’s holding his own until some big guy starts going at him with brass knuckles,, and Jensen gets shoved out the back door into a alley, where he catches a glimpse of Half-Naked Guy before he passes out behind the dumpster.

The next week he signs up for sky-diving lessons on his day off. When it’s time to pull his chute, he doesn’t, just to see what happens. His chute deploys automatically at the last second, even if he’s fairly sure he deliberately deactivated the auto feature.

And he could’ve sworn he caught a glimpse of something white and feathery, out of the corner of his eye, just before it happened.

This was getting weird.

When he falls off a roof the next week while rescuing an old lady’s kitten, he grabs hard when he feels the feathery embrace that cushions him just before he hits the ground.

“Who are you?”

He thinks he says it out loud, thinks he sees a look of surprise on the beautiful face hovering over him.

“I’m Jared,” the apparition answers, his voice husky and soft. Jensen thinks he seems a little startled, like he never expected Jensen to speak to him in the first place, and answered automatically before he could help himself.

Jensen passes out with a smile of triumph on his lips.

_Jared._

He slips on a rock at the edge of a roaring river a few days later, hits his head as he falls into the freezing water. As he goes under he sees Jared’s watery shape above him, can almost make out his look of disbelief. Then Jensen’s pulling himself out of the river, soaked and shivering and coughing up a lungful of water. He catches the shadow of a huge wing out of the corner of his eye, blocking the sun, and turns toward it, lifting an arm to shade his eyes as he blinks up at his rescuer.

“Don’t go,” he gasps, but it’s too late.

Jared’s gone again.

It becomes a game. Jensen falls off a bridge, Jared saves him. He steps in front of a bus, Jared pushes him aside just before impact. He falls asleep at the wheel and his car wanders over the line into oncoming traffic. He jerks awake as the car stops safely on the shoulder, leaving him with the vague impression that someone else had been driving.

Jensen tells himself he’s not doing it deliberately, but deep inside he knows the truth. He’s always been a bit reckless. His mother used to tell him he had a guardian angel on his shoulder, because otherwise she couldn’t explain how he was still alive. It seems impossible that his mother might have been on to something, although Jensen still doesn’t think guardian angels are real.

But Jared’s real. He isn’t just a figment of Jensen’s imagination, he’s sure of that. And Jensen wants to see more of him.

By the time he steps into the back alley where he gets himself shot, Jensen’s made his mind up. He’ll get Jared to talk to him or die trying.

Jensen spends nearly a week in the hospital recovering from the gunshot wound. The doctors want to keep him long enough to be sure the antibiotics are working, so his wound doesn’t get infected. His recent near-drowning has made his lungs vulnerable to pneumonia, and the nurse keeps making him blow into a plastic tube to be sure he can take deep breaths.

It’s humiliating. Morgan has already informed him that he’s being benched. Jensen has been ordered to spend the next six months on desk duty, punishment for going alone into the alley without waiting for backup. In the meantime, he’s on paid administrative leave with orders to rest and recover fully before returning to work.

On his first day out of the hospital, Jared shows up in the flesh. Jensen’s already been planning ways to get Jared to appear again. He figures it happens when he’s close to death, so maybe overdosing on his painkillers will do the trick.

“Don’t even think about it.”

The soft, husky voice is behind him, and Jensen whirls so fast he almost loses his balance, arms outstretched to grab onto the man whose voice sends shivers up his spine.

Jared’s standing there, dressed in a suit and a long, black overcoat, looking for all the world like one of the detectives Jensen works with on a regular basis. He’s got his hands in the pockets of the overcoat, and there’s no sign of wings, or anything else protruding out of his back and shadowing his shoulders.

The look on his handsome face is grave, almost stern.

“Jared.”

“You almost got yourself killed, Jensen,” Jared says. “I almost couldn’t stop you.”

“Is that what you’re supposed to do?” Jensen jumps right in with the questions, ignoring the fact that he’s dressed in his sleeping shorts and t-shirt and nothing else, standing in the middle of his apartment living room with a strange man who’s been stalking him for at least six months, probably longer. “Are you supposed to keep me from dying?”

Jared’s eyes narrow. “You weren’t supposed to be able to see me,” he says. “You shouldn’t be able to hear me.”

“You’re standing right there,” Jensen says. “You’re talking to me. How am I _not_ supposed to hear you or see you?”

“Of course you can see me _now._ ” Jared rolls his eyes. “This is my human form. I use this when I need to blend in on Earth.”

“On Earth? Human form? What the hell, Jared? Are you supposed to be invisible when you’re naked and covered in feathers? Is that it?” Jensen’s feeling a little hysterical. He needs to keep Jared talking for fear he’ll disappear.

“Yes. But I’m not covered in feathers. I have wings. _They_ have feathers.”

Jensen stares, shaking his head a little, trying to clear it. None of this makes a lick of sense. “What the hell’s going on here, Jared? Huh? What’s happening? Am I going crazy?”

Jared winces, his eyes flickering down at the floor. “No,” he says softly. “You aren’t going crazy.”

“Then what’s going on? Why are you stalking me?”

“I’m not – _stalking_ you,” Jared protests. He seems annoyed, but more with himself than with Jensen. “I’m supposed to be protecting you. Not doing a very good job, obviously.”

“Protecting me?” Jensen stares. “From what?”

“Yourself, apparently,” Jared snaps. “You have an exceptionally low instinct for caution.”

“So I’ve been told,” Jensen says. He feels a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. Crazy people laugh out loud sometimes. Is this how it feels? “So you’re my what? Guardian angel?”

“Yes. But you’d better put that in the past tense. I _was_ your guardian angel, before I failed to save you from that gunshot that almost killed you. Now it’s over. I’ll be reassigned soon enough.”

“What? Why? Wait. They can _do_ that? Just send you away to guard somebody else? Then what? Do I get a new angel?”

Jared looks away, but not before Jensen catches the hurt look in his eyes. “I’m not privy to that information,” he says, his voice so soft it’s almost a whisper. “I imagine they’ll assign an angel who can do the job. Someone with more experience. You’ll be fine.”

Jensen hadn’t considered this. It’s never occurred to him that his recklessness might get Jared in trouble. The whole point had been to bring him closer, to get him to come to Jensen. To let Jensen see him.

“So you’re here to say goodbye, is that it? Before you go off to guard somebody else?”

Jensen’s angry. This is not how this was supposed to go. He’d wanted answers, sure, but finding out he’ll never see Jared again is not the answer he’s been hoping for.

“I won’t be guarding anyone else,” Jared shakes his head. “I’ve been demoted. They took my wings.”

“What? They can do that? What does that mean? How can you be an angel if you don’t have your wings?”

“Goodbye, Jensen,” Jared says, and it’s the saddest thing Jensen’s ever heard.

Jared disappears into thin air, leaving Jensen with a feeling of loss so profound it brings tears to his eyes.

Jensen spends the next few days looking for Jared.

He’s not sure how a person goes about looking for an ex-guardian angel, but he figures he might know someone who does.

After he empties the pills onto the bed he sits down to write a note, addressing it to “Jared’s replacement.” He leaves the note on his desk while he runs a warm bath, scooping up the pills when he leaves the room. He figures he won’t have to actually swallow the pills, but he doesn’t want to mess up. For this to work, his new guardian angel will need to believe he’ll go through with it.

In the bathroom, he undresses slowly, leaving his clothes folded on a chair next to the bathtub. He’s done his research, knows the dosage will be enough to do the job. He’s been refilling the prescription for two weeks now without taking a single pill, so he’s pretty well stocked up. Not much chance for error.

He fills a water glass and studies himself in the mirror over the sink. He’s pale and gaunt after weeks of inactivity and modified diet. The freckles across his nose are more pronounced and his eyes look unusually huge and fever-bright, although he doesn’t have an infection. His wound is almost completely healed. There’s just a dull ache in his chest where the bullet went in. Sometimes he feels the exit wound, just under his shoulder blade, but not today.

He scoops the pills into his left hand and glances down at them. He’s just starting to lift them to his mouth when he hears the faint flutter of wings.

A beautiful woman with long red hair stands behind him, staring daggers at him in the mirror.

“Shit!”

Jensen drops the pills and they scatter across the tile floor. He grabs hold of the edges of the sink to keep his knees from buckling, starts to turn around before he remembers he’s stark naked. The woman is wearing an off-white jumpsuit that covers her from neck to toe, and Jensen can see the shadow of something feathery rising from behind her shoulders.

“So it’s true,” the woman says. Her voice is high and girlish, with a snarky edge to it that makes her seem more devil than angel.

Jensen’s terrified. “Wh— What’s true?” he stammers.

“You can see angels,” she answers. “We thought maybe Jared was doing something wrong.”

“No! No. It’s not his fault. I mean, whatever happened, it’s not his fault, okay? I just— I need to talk to him.”

“Huh.” The woman looks him up and down, eyebrow arched delicately.

Jensen blushes and reaches for a towel. She watches as he wraps it around his waist, turns awkwardly till he’s facing her. She doesn’t disappear, but she doesn’t move aside, either. She just rolls her tongue in her cheek, her lips pursed in an expression of mocking disdain.

“You think you get to give orders, do you?”

“I’m not giving any orders,” Jensen protests. “I just need to talk to Jared.”

“Sounds like you already did,” she notes. “That’s how he got demoted, just so you know. Talking to humans is expressly forbidden. Duh.”

“But we didn’t — He didn’t talk to me first,” Jensen stutters. “He just answered me when I asked him a question.”

“You asked him a question,” the angel repeats, her tone dripping with sarcasm. “Let me guess. You wanted him to tell you the meaning of life.”

“I asked him for his _name_ ,” Jensen says.

“His _name_ ,” she repeats.

Jensen nods, squares his shoulders in an attempt at bravado. “What’s yours?”

The angel arches an eyebrow, her cupid’s bow mouth forming a tight little smile. “Danneel.”

‘Well, Danneel, welcome to my bathroom. Mind if I put on some pants?”

“I do, actually.” Danneel looks him up and down, amusement making her eyes sparkle. “I believe I can see what Jared saw in you.”

Jensen bristles. “I don’t swing that way,” he clarifies, not for the first time.

Danneel’s eyebrow goes up again. “Of course you don’t,” she agrees. “You’re into Jared. Not that I blame you. He really _is_ gorgeous, isn’t he?”

“I don’t — That’s not what this is about,” Jensen insists. Because it isn’t. He’s not sure exactly what it _is_ about with Jared, but he’s damn sure it’s not sex. Or _just_ sex. “Anyway, can angels even do that? I thought they were pure. Sexless. Created by God without sin and all that.”

“Jared’s human now,” Danneel points out. “Thanks to you.”

Jensen’s heart swoops. He’s not sure why, but this is the best news he’s heard since— Well, since forever.

“How can I find him?”

“What do you want with him?” Danneel asks. “He can’t give you eternal life. He can’t grant wishes, if that’s what you’re after. Can’t guarantee you’ll get into Heaven when you die. He’s not even a powerful supernatural creature anymore. He’s just a guy who used to be an angel.”

“I just want to talk to him,” Jensen insists. “That’s all.”

“He fell from Heaven for you,” Danneel says, bitter. “I lost my best friend because of you.”

“I’m sorry,” Jensen says sincerely. “I just need to see him.”

“Why?” Danneel shakes her head. “What possible good would it do? You’ve already ruined his life. What more do you want from him?”

Jensen hesitates. He’s not sure he has an answer to that question, but he definitely doesn’t want to piss off a powerful supernatural entity.

“I need to thank him for saving my life,” Jensen says. “More than once.”

“That’s all?” Danneel peers at him skeptically.

“I want to tell him I’m sorry,” Jensen says. “I never meant for this to happen.”

Danneel’s features soften noticeably. “You’re in love with him,” she pronounces.

Jensen blushes to the tips of his ears, stares at his feet, at the bathtub, anywhere but at the angel.

“I barely know him,” he mutters, his voice cracking.

“Oh my God, you’re both such idiots,” Danneel says. She sounds more exasperated than bitter. “Okay. I’ll talk to him. If he wants to see you, he’ll let you know.”

She disappears, making Jensen jump backwards against the sink, causing his glass of water to smash onto the tiles at his feet.

“Shit!” he exclaims as he drops his towel. He bends over quickly to retrieve it, jumps as the angel reappears behind him.

“By the way.” Danneel’s eyes rake over Jensen’s nakedness, his bent-over position. She smirks as he straightens up and turns to face her, holding the towel awkwardly in front of him. “You might want to be a little more careful from now on. It’s not like you’ve got a guardian angel watching over you anymore.”

“What? But I thought—“

“You thought _I_ was your new guardian angel?” Danneel rolls her eyes. “Please. After what happened to Jared, no one will have you. You’re just lucky I happened to be checking in on you when you decided to pull your little stunt.”

“Don’t tell him,” Jensen says quickly. “You won’t tell him, will you? I don’t want him to hate me when I haven’t even had a chance to thank him properly.”

Danneel shakes her head. “You’re cute. Don’t worry, handsome. He’s not going to hate you, I can promise you that.”

After the angel disappears, Jensen agonizes over everything she said. He wonders what he’s supposed to do now, whether he should wait for Jared to contact him or go out searching randomly. He checks his phone constantly for messages. He worries that Danneel will tell Jared that Jensen’s in love with him, which can’t possibly be true.

Can it?

Jensen was under stress every time Jared appeared. That’s all this is. It’s not love, it’s gratitude. He’s grateful to Jared for saving his life, multiple times. Like he told Danneel, he just wants a chance to thank Jared. That’s all. Any other feelings are simply a response to the adrenaline rush of the moment, being under duress at being pulled from the edge of death. It’s the memory of the thrill of being rescued. His pounding heart, his sweating palms, the way his breath gets short when he remembers how it felt to be held by Jared when he expected to be in terrible pain. 

Jensen just wants a chance to tell Jared how much he appreciates everything he did to keep Jensen alive.

Honest.

As it turns out, Jensen doesn’t have to wait long.

Every morning on his way to work for as long as Jensen can remember, he’s stopped at Sam’s Diner for breakfast. Since he’s been out on leave, Jensen’s been here at least once a week, just to keep the regulars from worrying about him.

The morning after Danneel’s visit, Jensen goes to Sam’s, just like he’s done for years. But this time, for the first time ever, Jared’s there.

He’s sitting at a booth near the back, away from the door but facing it. He’s wearing the same suit and black overcoat that he wore when he appeared in Jensen’s apartment, over a week ago now, and he’s so beautiful it makes Jensen’s chest ache. The sunlight filtering in through the blinds gives his hair reddish highlights, and when he lifts his eyes to Jensen’s they’re so green it’s as if Jensen’s staring into a mirror. It’s a trick of the light; Jensen knows from past experience that Jared’s eyes aren’t green, but there’s a lot of green in them, along with blue and golden brown.

What? Jensen’s observant, that’s all.

“Hey,” Jensen says, and it’s only later that it occurs to him that he was ignoring the regulars who called his name, greeting him as he moved down the room without hearing them. It’s like they aren’t even there. He coasts across the floor without being aware of moving at all, like Jared’s a magnet pulling him in.

Jared’s big hands are wrapped around his coffee cup. He watches Jensen apprehensively until Jensen stops beside his table, glancing awkwardly at the seat opposite, unsure of his welcome.

“May I join you?”

Jared nods, gesturing with his eyes at the empty seat, and Jensen slides into the booth, folding his hands on the tabletop in front of him. He’s aware of not touching Jared, of keeping his hands and knees from even accidentally brushing against the former angel, but it’s not easy. Jensen suddenly wants to touch Jared like it’s the only thing he’s ever wanted. He’s desperate for it.

“Hi, Jensen,” the waitress greets him cheerfully. “What’ll it be? The usual?”

“Sure, Briana,” Jensen nods. “That’ll be fine. Thank you.”

“You got it,” Briana says, glancing at Jared before heading back to the kitchen. Everyone in the diner is suspicious of Jared. Jensen can feel it. He’s a stranger here.

“Thanks for coming,” Jensen says softly, then corrects himself. “I mean, thanks for being here.” He clears his throat, glances out the window, gives a nervous chuckle. “I guess Danneel told you I wanted to talk to you.”

“She did.”

Jensen chuckles again. It’s a nervous habit. “Okay. So, um. I just wanted to thank you.”

Jared nods.

“I mean, I wanted you to know how much I appreciate what you did for me,” Jensen says. _And I think I’m in love with you._

Jared looks away, takes a quick breath and lets it out slow. He lifts the coffee cup to his lips, sets it down again.

“And I’m sorry I screwed everything up for you,” Jensen says. “That wasn’t my intention, you gotta believe me.”

“No, I know,” Jared says to his coffee cup. “It’s not your fault.”

“So you’re human now,” Jensen says, cringing at his own attempt to be conversational.

“Technically, I’m a fallen angel,” Jared says, still staring into his coffee. “Earth-bound. From now on, I’m stuck here, on Earth.”

Jensen’s heart swoops in his chest and the blood rushes to his head. He knows he should be feeling sorry for Jared, or at least feeling guilty for causing something bad to happen to him, but he just doesn’t. For Jensen, this is _good_ news.

“Okay,” Jensen nods. “So you’re new in town, am I right? You’re looking for work? A place to stay?”

Jared lifts his eyes, meets Jensen’s gaze. “I’m hungry,” he says softly. “My human body needs to eat.”

“Of course it does!” Jensen feels his face break into a smile of pure relief. This, he can fix.

Briana takes that moment to arrive with Jensen’s plate of food. “I’ll have one more,” he tells her. “For my friend.”

“One more breakfast special, coming up,” Briana nods, flashing her best dimpled smile. She’s warming up to Jared now that he’s clearly a friend of Jensen’s. And a paying customer.

Jensen pushes the plate of food across the table toward Jared. “Eat. I’ll wait for the next one.”

Jensen watches as Jared pokes the food with his fork, spearing a small bite of egg and raising it to his nose. He sniffs, looks up at Jensen, then puts the food in his mouth and chews slowly.

“Good, huh?” Jensen grins. “Huh?”

Jared nods solemnly, his eyes glazing over as he takes another bite, then another. By the time Briana returns with Jensen’s plate, Jared’s is clean. He casts a calculating gaze on Jensen’s plate, and Jensen shakes his head.

“Slow down there, bud. How long has it been since you’ve eaten?”

Jared thinks about that for a moment. “Three days,” he says finally.

“Yeah, you need to eat more often than that.” Jensen’s appalled. “Humans tend to eat three times a day. We need a lot of calories to stay healthy.”

Jared reaches for his glass of water, and Jensen reaches out on instinct, closing his hand over Jared’s.

The ex-angel looks up, startled. His lips part and his cheeks flush pink, but he doesn’t remove his hand.

“Do you need a place to stay?” Jensen asks. “You can stay with me. I’ve got a couch that folds down, and I’ll feed you. Help you get a job. Whatever you need.”

Jared lowers his eyes, pulls his hand away slowly and sits back in the booth.

“I can’t ask you to help me,” he says. “I can’t repay you.”

“You already did. You saved my life, man. More than once. The least I can do is offer you a place to stay till you get back on your feet, or whatever it is angels do to get their shit together.”

“Pretty sure I’ll be on my feet from now on,” Jared says. “It’s not like I’ll get my wings back.”

“That’s settled, then.” Jensen decides to ignore Jared’s moroseness. It’s too much like depression, or regret. Jensen doesn’t want to think about how much Jared wishes he wasn’t human, wishes he wasn’t here with Jensen.

Jensen’s far too happy about Jared’s humanity, however wrong that might be. He can’t help it.

He wants Jared to stay.


	2. Chapter 2

When they get back to Jensen’s apartment, it’s only mid-morning. Jensen’s still on medical leave, and the day stretches out ahead of them without a plan to guide them.

Jensen’s not sure whether to give a whoop of joy or to curl up in a corner and self-flagellate while Jared mourns the loss of his former life. Either way, Jensen figures they’ll be better off doing something to relieve the nervous tension he’s just sure Jared feels as well as Jensen does. They need to _do something_. Fast.

Fortunately, the solution presents itself fairly obviously. Jared has no clothes, other than the suit, shoes, and overcoat he’s wearing. And he smells like he’s been wearing them for at least a week.

“You need to let me buy you some clothes, man,” Jensen says after he’s given Jared a brief tour of his apartment. Jared looks like he might cry when Jensen explains the toilet to him, which is how Jensen figures out he probably hasn’t used one before.

“Okay,” Jared agrees, almost too readily. He seems unexpectedly docile, now that he’s in Jensen’s space. His home. It’s like he expects Jensen to take control, to be in charge, now that Jared’s lost all his power and feels like a helpless baby in a new world.

Which, technically, he is.

It’s not easy finding clothes for Jared’s extra-tall frame, especially at the thrift shops and discount department stores where Jensen usually shops.

At Goodwill they get lucky. A local basketball player died recently and left his entire wardrobe to charity. They find jeans, shoes, shirts, and even a jacket that fits. As they walk back to Jensen’s apartment with the bags of clothes, Jensen can’t help wondering about Jared’s body.

Scratch that. Jensen can’t stop thinking about Jared’s body. It’s a problem.

But he’s curious, too.

“Can I ask you a question?” When Jared nods, Jensen goes for broke. “So I’m guessing angels aren’t born, right?”

Jared nods. He’s brooding again, keeping his eyes on the ground in front of them as they walk.

“So this body isn’t yours? You’re possessing some fool who agreed to be a vessel for an angel, right?”

Jared shakes his head. “No. This body is the human manifestation of my angel body. Minus the wings, obviously.”

“But you have a belly button,” Jensen protests. “What’s it for?”

Jared makes a face, clearly annoyed. “It’s so I look like you,” he explains. “So I can blend in with humanity.”

“But you were never a child,” Jensen goes on. “You’ve never experienced a mother’s love or a father’s discipline. You’ve never run barefoot on the beach or fallen out of an apple tree or held your big brother’s hand as you crossed a busy street.”

Jared lifts his eyes to Jensen for a moment. “These are things you have experienced?” he says.

“Well, not so much the father thing,” Jensen says. “He left when I was four. I don’t remember much about him, to be honest.”

“I’m sorry,” Jared breathes, so softly Jensen’s not sure he heard right. But when he glances sharply at Jared, the ex-angel’s beautiful face is a mask of sorrow that resembles sympathy, as if he could possibly understand how it felt to be raised without a father.

“So I guess you weren’t my guardian angel when I was a kid,” Jensen suggests.

Jared shakes his head. “You had Jim looking after you when you were young,” he says, as if Jensen should know who ‘Jim’ is. “He appointed me about six months ago.”

Six months ago. When Jensen first noticed Jared shadowing him.

“Does everybody get a new angel as an adult?”

“Nobody much gets guardian angels anymore at all,” Jared says. “It’s even more rare to have two. There aren’t nearly enough of us to go around. You must be somebody to someone upstairs, that’s all I can say.”

Jensen’s shocked. He’s never been important to anyone, ever. And now Jared’s saying he’s important to Heaven? What even?

“And yet they could afford to demote you,” he says gruffly. “That doesn’t make sense.”

Jared shakes his head. “There’s no making sense of any of it,” he says.

Jared’s got his sad face on again, and Jensen just wants to make it go away.

More than anything.

“What do you say we take a walk on the beach?”

They’re in Jensen’s kitchen, finishing the quiche Jensen baked for them to share for a late lunch. Jared’s showered and changed into his new jeans and a t-shirt, which Jensen washed for him because he’s anal that way.. His feet are bare, and Jensen can’t help glancing down at them every time he gets up to bring Jared more food or water. Jared’s feet are long and slender, like the rest of him, and Jensen can’t stop thinking about what it would be like to kiss the instep. Jared’s skin looks so soft and smooth there...

“The beach?” Jared echoes, brow wrinkling in confusion. “But it’s fifty miles to the coast from here.”

“We’ll drive,” Jensen shrugs. “I do have a car.” Jensen’s car doesn’t get used very often. It’s good living downtown, close to everything he needs, but there are times when he really needs to get away.

Right now, he wants to get away with Jared.

Jensen plays a mixtape of classic and contemporary rock in the car, soaking up Jared’s presence in the passenger seat as he drives. Jensen points out the scenery as the car winds up the road into the coast range. It’s one of his favorite drives. Sharing it with Jared feels right. Feels good.

When they stop at a rest area to use the facilities, Jared stares at the map on the display board for a long time.

“A hundred years ago, this was just a mountain trail,” Jensen notes as he steps up next to Jared to look at the map. “No cars. We would’ve had to get here on horseback. Or walking.”

“I remember,” Jared says.

Jensen’s eyebrow goes up and he stares. “You do? Seriously? Wow.” They stare silently at the map another moment, then Jensen asks, “How old are you?”

Jared shrugs. “I don’t know. I’ve been around a long time, but I don’t have any specific memories from my time as an angel before I met you. I think my memories of Heaven have been wiped, or buried very deep.”

This makes Jensen sad. His childhood wasn’t perfect, but at least he remembers some good times. At least he remembers his home.

“But you remember this.” Jensen gestures at the map.

“I get flashes of memory,” Jared says. “Certain things seem to trigger certain memories.”

“And you knew your friend, Danneel,” Jensen goes on. “You remember me.”

“Like I said, before I met you it’s all pretty hazy.”

“I don’t get that,” Jensen shakes his head. “Why would meeting me make you forget your life as an angel?”

Jared tilts his head, considers this for a moment, then he shrugs. “I don’t know. Maybe it’s my punishment for falling.”

“But you didn’t fail, Jared,” Jensen protests. “You saved me. You did a pretty bang up job as a guardian angel, seems to me. Why would they punish you for that?”

“Not _failing_ ,” Jared corrects. “ _Falling_. I’m a fallen angel.”

“Not in my book,” Jensen grumbles. He’s angry, hates Heaven on principle for making Jared so unhappy. Jensen would do anything to make Jared happy.

Anything short of losing him, that is. He’s only spent part of a day with the ex-angel and he’s pretty sure about that.

Jensen never wants to lose Jared again.

It takes them another twenty minutes on the coast road before they reach the Pacific Ocean. It’s blue and sparkling in the sun, brighter than Jensen’s ever seen it.

He pulls into the state park near the little town where he likes to stop for lunch, only this time they’ll be having dinner there. He leads Jared down the path from the parking lot to the beach, where the wind picks up and Jensen’s glad he brought his sweatshirt. He hands Jared the oversized hoodie he brought for him and kicks his shoes off, leaving them near some driftwood at the edge of the sandy beach.

Jared watches him after he puts the hoodie on, and Jensen helps him with the zipper, then nods at his feet.

“Go on, take your shoes off,” he coaxes. “It’ll be easier to walk.”

Jared obeys without question, never guessing how much Jensen loves the way Jared’s bare feet make him seem vulnerable, younger. As they turn to walk side by side toward the ocean, their shoulders brush. A wave of protectiveness surges through Jensen’s entire body, making his scalp tingle and his toes curl in the sand. He doesn’t dare look at Jared, so he stares straight ahead at the sea as they walk, stumbling awkwardly in the dry sand. When their hands brush, Jensen feels an overwhelming urge to take Jared’s hand, to tangle their fingers together.

Jared shoves his hands in the pockets of his hoodie, lowers his head against the wind, and the moment passes.

Jensen tries not to feel hurt, tries not to think that maybe Jared knew that Jensen was thinking about holding his hand, and Jared doesn’t want to. Jared doesn’t want anything from Jensen. Jensen’s the reason Jared lost his home. Now Jared’s helpless and alone in this world, and he may have to depend on Jensen to help him get his bearings, but he doesn’t need Jensen to take advantage of his new vulnerability.

That would be wrong.

Besides. Maybe Jared doesn’t really like Jensen at all. It was his job, after all, being a guardian angel. Nothing required him to care about his charge. He was just doing what he was made to do.

Jensen shoves his hands into his own sweatshirt pockets and takes a step to the left, just to give the ex-angel his space.

Within a couple of steps, Jared’s moved closer again, bumping his arm against Jensen’s. He keeps his eyes down, though, so Jensen doesn’t question it, lets Jared set the distance between them. He’s grateful for Jared’s nearness, but it’s a challenge for Jensen not to read too much into it. Jared needs the comfort of companionship, he tells himself. He’s stuck with Jensen, that’s all. Jensen could be anyone.

“It’s beautiful.”

Jensen startles as Jared breathes the word into his ear, leaning in to do it, his breath warm against Jensen’s wind-chilled skin. They’re walking easily now, on damp, packed sand, and Jensen tries not to stare. Jared’s profile seems perfectly carved against the blue sky, the wind blowing his hair back from his face as they turn together to walk into it, along the edge of the water.

 _Your_ face _is beautiful,_ Jensen thinks. “Yes, it is,” he says out loud.

The ocean has always been Jensen’s go-to place to relax. Its vastness and timelessness are comforting. The trees overhanging the beach seem ancient and primordial. Jensen can easily imagine this beach looking the same to the first humans who ventured here, thousands of years ago.

When he glances at Jared, the ex-angel’s face wears an expression of peace, and Jensen imagines it’s much the same for him.

“Any more flashbacks?” Jensen asks.

Jared frowns, shakes his head. “Nothing specific,” he says. “This place is very old.”

Jensen nods, grateful that Jared can find the scene in any way restorative, as Jensen does.

“But it changes with every tide,” Jared goes on. “This beach used to be rockier, smaller. The cliffs were closer. Over time, wind and wave have eroded the land, pushed it back.”

Jensen nods, letting the image Jared paints replace his long-held belief in the timelessness of the place. Of course it’s changed. Everything does.

They walk along the water in silence, arms brushing every once in a while, and Jensen keeps hoping that Jared doesn’t mind. He tries moving away again, incrementally, finds Jared following a moment later. It makes him smile, makes his chest warm. He ducks his head to hide his smile, pretends the warmth comes from the sun, even though he knows better.

 _Better not to expect too much,_ he hears his mother’s voice in his head. _Then you won’t be disappointed._

The tide is out, and after about an hour they find some tide pools among an outcropping of rocks from what used to be part of the land itself, eroded now into a string of barnacled surfaces that look like they’ve been thrown there by some giant hand. The men spend half an hour or so investigating, watching the sea anemones open and close their huge, sand-filled mouths as the water moves over them. Jared hunches down and pokes a long, slender finger into one, his face lighting up as the creature reacts to his touch.

Jared’s smile is the most amazing thing Jensen’s ever seen. It’s brighter than the sun itself, makes the day dimmer by comparison.

Jensen will do anything to see that smile again. Anything.

He shows Jared some starfish on another rock, watches Jared’s face light up again as he touches their rough surfaces.

Jensen watches Jared crouched over the crowded tide pools and realizes he’s happy. If Jared finds a way to get home to Heaven, Jensen will have had this, at least. This moment of pure happiness will always be his.

He tries not to think too hard about how much his happiness depends on Jared’s presence.

He only wishes he could find some way to keep Jared as happy as he looks at this moment, jeans rolled up to just below his knees, wind whipping his hair into his eyes as he reaches out to touch another star fish with his long, slender fingers, a look of childlike wonder transforming his features into something inhumanly beautiful.

Angelic.

Later, they eat lobster in the rough at Jensen’s favorite seafood restaurant, the one built on a dock with benches and paper plates instead of chairs and china. They watch the sun set over the water as they sip their beers, eating with gusto after their afternoon walk in the wind and sunshine. They’re silent again despite the noisy restaurant, and Jensen steals glances at Jared across the table as he eats, enjoys the view more than he should as Jared watches the sea through the window.

“Do you miss it?” As soon as he asks, Jensen wishes he could take it back, isn’t sure what perverse urge made him ask in the first place.

“What?”

“Heaven.” _In for a penny, in for a pound,_ Jensen hears his mother’s old saying in his head. Too late to stop now.

Jared drags his eyes away from the sunset with reluctance, looks blank for a moment before he blinks, lowers his eyes as they cloud over.

Jensen could climb under the table and die right now and it wouldn’t be penance enough.

“No,” Jared says quietly. “I don’t remember it.” He looks up, gaze meeting Jensen’s with a wry smile. “I think maybe that’s worse.”

Jensen clenches his jaw, nods and looks away, guilt making his eyes sting.

“I’m sorry, man,” he says.

But he’s not, really. Jensen’s Heaven is seated right here, across the table.

“Don’t be.” Jared shakes his head sharply. “I don’t remember Heaven, but you brought me here. This place is very restful. It’s a kind of Heaven, I think.”

“I’ve always thought so,” Jensen agrees. “It gives me peace. I come here when life is too chaotic and disturbing, and it helps.”

Jared nods solemnly. “I can see that.”

They sit quietly for a few moments, Jared watching the sunset, Jensen watching Jared.

“Thank you for sharing this with me, Jensen,” Jared says with his soft, husky voice and his earnest hazel gaze.

Jensen thinks he might melt into a puddle on the floor and never get up again.

The drive back to the city is dark and quiet. When Jensen starts to put in a mixtape, Jared stops him with a hand on his, sending tingles up Jensen’s arm and up the back of his neck.

“We need to talk.” Jared’s eyes are dark and luminous in the light from a passing car. 

Jensen nods, keeps his eyes on the road. “Okay.”

Jared removes his hand and Jensen cries a little on the inside. “I can’t accept your charity,” he says. “And I can’t repay you.”

Jensen frowns. “Okay,” he says. “We’ll find you a job. Then you can repay me, if you really want to. In the meantime, consider it a loan, not charity. We’ve already talked about this. You saved my life enough times, now you should let me do something for you.”

“A job,” Jared repeats. “But I can’t do anything. I don’t have any skills.”

“There are plenty of jobs for unskilled workers,” Jensen shrugs. “It might not be easy, but we’ll find you something, if that’s what you want.”

Jensen had been half-hoping that Jared would just hang around the apartment with him for a while, at least until Jensen goes back to work. He’s not sure he likes the idea of Jared being out working somewhere while Jensen stays home alone, waiting for him.

“It is,” Jared nods. “It’s what I want.”

“Okay then.” Jensen takes a deep breath. “First thing tomorrow, we’ll find you a job.”

By the time they get back to Jensen’s apartment, Jared’s asleep. He looks adorable, his gangly oversized body awkwardly scrunched down in the seat, knees tucked against the dashboard, long legs bent up under the seat. His face in sleep is relaxed and youthful, and Jensen’s tempted to let him sleep.

Jensen’s pretty sure Jared won’t thank him in the morning, if he does that.

“Hey buddy, wake up.” When Jensen gently shakes him, Jared’s eyes fly open. He gasps, flinging an arm out, and hits Jensen flat in the chest. “Hey!”

“Jensen!” Jared blinks, sits up as he gets his bearings, runs a hand through his hair. “I thought you were hurt. Are you okay?”

Jensen understands. “You were dreaming,” he tells Jared. “I’m fine. Really. I’m okay.”

Jared frowns, dazedly reaches a hand out and lays it flat on Jensen’s chest. “I couldn’t stop the bullet,” he says. “It went straight through your heart.”

Jensen shakes his head. Jared’s big hand is warm and solid. Jensen wishes he would leave it there. “It missed,” he assures Jared. “Went right through me right here, on the other side. Right through my right shoulder.” He pats the spot, his hand brushing Jared’s. “I’m good. You saved me, remember?”

“Not that time,” Jared shakes his head. He still looks spooked. “That was just dumb luck.”

“It’s in the past now,” Jensen reminds him. “I’m fine and you’ve got nothing to worry about. You’re not responsible for whether I live or die anymore. You’re free.” Jensen rolls his eyes. “Can’t have been an easy job. I’m a little bit of a daredevil.”

“A little bit,” Jared echoes, then he grins. “They could put you on that reality TV show, the one about all the crazy, dangerous stunts? You’re like that. You could probably make a lot of money.”

Jensen leans toward Jared, basking in the sunshine of his dimpled smile in the light from the street. He licks his lips, smiling a little in response to Jared’s smile. He can’t help it.

Jared’s eyes widen. He seems to remember that his hand is still on Jensen’s chest and pulls it back, his gaze dropping along with his smile. It’s suddenly darker in the car.

“Do all those stunt guys have guardian angels, too?” Jensen asks with a smirk.

Jared shakes his head. “Only you. I told you that.” He lifts his eyes and holds Jensen’s gaze for a moment. “You’re special.”

“To somebody upstairs.” Jensen rolls his eyes. “Yeah, you said.”

“To me,” Jared breathes, but it’s so soft Jensen’s not sure he heard right. He’s suddenly shy, afraid to meet Jared’s eyes. He clears his throat nervously.

“Come on. I’ll help you turn down the sofa bed so you can get some real sleep. Your feet will probably hang over the end, but that’s normal for you, am I right?”

Jensen can’t seem to stop babbling as he leads the way into his apartment. He’s aware of Jared looming over his shoulder as he pulls towels and sheets from his linen closet, pulls out the sofa bed, finds Jared a couple of blankets and a pillow. He gives Jared a new toothbrush, keeps himself busy teaching Jared how to use it, then leaves him in the bathroom with a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt to change into for bed.

When Jared emerges from the bathroom, freshly showered and changed, Jensen tries not to stare. He’s too tired to let anything happen tonight, but he wants to. He wants to pull Jared down on the sofa bed and kiss him from his ankles to his temples.

“Goodnight,” he says instead.

Taking advantage of Jared right now would be wrong, he tells himself. Jared’s lonely and lost and grieving his home, and Jensen would be a real bastard to let anything happen between them.

At least for now.

The next morning Jensen sleeps late, and by the time he gets up and stumbles into the kitchen, Jared’s already made coffee.

“I love you,” Jensen says without thinking, taking the cup from Jared’s hand.

Their fingers brush and Jared’s face reddens. His dimples come out in full force as he smiles broadly.

“I Googled how to make coffee,” he says proudly. “I know how much you need it first thing in the morning.”

“Marry me,” Jensen deadpans, not even worried if Jared misunderstands. Caffeine is essential.

They agree to walk the neighborhood to find Jared a job as close to the apartment as possible. After striking out at the local auto body shop and the library, they decide to stop for lunch at the diner.

“We could use a dishwasher,” Sam Ferris, the owner, tells them. She sizes Jared up and adds, “And a bouncer for the after-dinner crowd on the weekends. It can get a little rowdy in here some nights.”

Just like that, Jared’s got a job.

Jensen tries not to feel lost and lonely the first time he gets back to the apartment to find Jared gone. He’s still got another week of medical leave, and suddenly the days stretch out like so much empty space. Jensen feels like crying.

He doesn’t, though. Instead, he mans up and calls his boss.

“I’m going stir crazy here,” he says. He doesn’t care if he sounds plaintive. “I need to come back to work, man. Even a desk job’s better than sitting around here watching the plants grow.”

“I hear you adopted a homeless man,” Jeff Morgan says.

Jensen wonders briefly which one of the regulars at Sam’s let that cat out of the bag. Then Jensen remembers he’s not the only cop to frequent the diner-bar. It’s a local favorite, at least partly because so much information gets exchanged there.

Of course Jensen’s new roommate would be a source of gossip.

“Yeah, well, he needed my help,” Jensen says.

“You want me to run a background check? Find out who he really is?”

Jensen’s heartbeat goes up just thinking about it. “Nah, that’s okay. I’ve got it covered. Besides. He’s just staying with me long enough to get on his feet. He’s already found a job, so it won’t be long now.”

“He’s working at Sam’s, I hear,” Jeff says, and Jensen rolls his eyes.

“Yeah.”

“Well, just don’t leave him alone in your apartment. You know the drill.” _Drug addicts steal anything they can sell._ Jensen knows that’s what Jeff’s thinking, and he doesn’t fault him for it. Jeff’s just looking out for Jensen, like he’s always done.

“Yeah. I’ll be all right.”

“So, we’ll see you tomorrow,” Jeff says. “Just come on in whenever you can.”

“Thanks, chief.”

“I’m going back to work tomorrow,” Jensen tells Jared when they’re eating supper together later.

Jared’s got the swing shift at Sam’s on Friday and Saturday nights, on account of the bouncing part of the job. Most other days, he works the early shift as a dishwasher so that he can be home in time for dinner.

Today is one of those days. Jensen doesn’t tell Jared how happy he is to see him. He just puts a plate of spaghetti and meatballs on the table in front of him and pulls up a chair for himself.

“Are you sure you’re ready?” Jared looks worried. “Your shoulder’s okay?”

“It’s fine,” Jensen insists, stretching the offending joint to demonstrate. “I’m still seeing the physical therapist once a week, doing my exercises. It’s almost back to normal. Besides. It’s just desk duty. Nothing physically demanding yet.”

Jared doesn’t look happy, but he doesn’t say anything. When he takes a tentative bite of his meatball, his eyes widen.

“This is good!”

“Don’t look so surprised.” Jensen huffs indignantly. “I can cook.”

“You should stop being a cop and get a job as a chef,” Jared says with enthusiasm. “I can ask Sam to hire you. Their cook can’t do this, or that quiche you made yesterday.”

Jensen lowers his head to hide the wide smile threatening to split his face open. Feeding Jared is deeply satisfying. Basking in his praise is making Jensen ridiculously happy.

“Nah, I like my job,” Jensen says as he takes a bite off his own plate. “You’ll just have to enjoy my cooking all by yourself.”

“Okay.” Jared nods, distracted by another bite of meatball. “Maybe that’s better anyway. I don’t think I could share you.”

Jensen looks up, catches the heat in Jared’s eyes before he drops his gaze to his plate again. It makes a shiver go up his spine.

 _You won’t have to,_ he thinks. _I’m yours._

When he looks up again, Jared’s expression is soft, fond.

Yep, Jensen could definitely get used to this.


	3. Chapter 3

The next week passes uneventfully. Jared settles into the routine of his new job, Jensen goes back to work, and they enjoy each other’s company in the evenings over dinner. After dinner, they play video games or watch TV together on the open sofa bed. Jared often falls asleep first, since he gets up before Jensen in the mornings.

Jensen can be forgiven for watching Jared sleep for a few minutes before he shuts the TV off, turns out the light, and tiptoes off to his own room.

Jensen’s days are a roller-coaster of emotional upheaval. On the one hand, he’s grateful to be doing something, even something incredibly boring. On the other hand, the job is so slow that he finds a lot of time to think about Jared. The butterflies in his stomach make it hard to eat, so he takes to going to the diner for breakfast and lunch, just to be sure he gets some food into his belly.

He doesn’t think about how much he misses Jared when they’re not together, doesn’t consider that going to the diner for his meals is much more about seeing Jared than eating.

Overall, Jared seems happier. He seems resigned to his fate, or at least the job keeps him busy enough that he doesn’t have time to be sad. Whatever the cause, things are better. Jared might not be happy, exactly, but he’s not miserable and moping anymore. Jensen decides that’s a win.

About three days into the second week after he starts the new job, Jared brings home a dog.

“Oh no,” Jensen shakes his head. “We cannot keep him. Absolutely not.”

“Why not?”

Jared’s sitting on the kitchen floor with the mangiest looking mutt Jensen’s ever seen, scratching behind its ears and looking up hopefully at Jensen.

“Well, for one, my landlord won’t allow it,” Jensen says. “No pets. It’s bad enough, you living here when he rented the apartment to a single occupant. If he sees you brought a dog in here, he’ll kick me out.”

“But he was hungry,” Jared protests, nodding at the empty bowl on the floor, next to another bowl of water. Tell-tale tomato paste clings to the insides of the bowl.

“Whoa, did you give him my meatballs? Jared, tell me you did not just feed my left-over meatballs to this dog.”

“He was hungry,” Jared repeats, raising his beautiful almond-shaped eyes to Jensen with an expression that might be a mirror image of the dog’s.

Except the dog looks happier at the moment, being full of Jensen’s meatballs and all.

What the hell.

“Okay, no,” Jensen shakes his head vigorously. “He cannot stay. We need to find out who he belongs to or take him to the local shelter a.s.a.p. Are we clear? I am not running an orphanage for wayward angels and animals here. No, no, no.”

“Please, Jensen? I promise I’ll look after him. I’ll buy him dog food so he doesn’t eat your meatballs again, and I’ll take him on walks...”

In the end, the dog stays. They name him Charlie and Jared sleeps with him.

The dog makes Jensen green with envy, but he can tell that Jared’s happier. Jensen gets to see Jared’s dimpled smile more often, gets to hear his husky voice softened with affection when he talks to Charlie.. Jensen can almost imagine Jared’s talking to _him_ with that voice, giving _Jensen_ those loving looks and tender touches.

Jensen lies in bed at night, staring at the ceiling, and imagines Jared’s big hands touching him the way they touch Charlie.

“Damn it,” he mutters as he pulls the pillow over his face, bites into it to keep from screaming.

After three weeks, Jensen begins to question his own sanity. He’s not sleeping much, so he’s a jittery mess during the day. Jeff catches him day-dreaming more than once, staring out the window when he’s supposed to be writing reports.

“You know, if I didn’t know you better, I’d say you were suffering from lovesickness,” Jeff teases the third time it happens.

Jensen feels himself blush. “Yeah, right,” he scoffs.

Jeff peers at him thoughtfully. “You haven’t fallen for that guy you brought home, have you?”

Leave it to Jeff to figure it out. Which isn’t a surprise, since Jeff knows Jensen better than just about anybody. They’ve had each other’s backs since the day they figured out they were the only gay officers on the force. They’re friends as well as co-workers.

Not to mention occasional fuck buddies.

It’s never been more than that, though. Jeff’s about as single as a guy can be. He never seems to need anyone in his life for long, and he’s never shown the least interest in settling down.

Until recently, Jensen was just like him. Or thought he was.

“Jared’s just a kid,” Jensen says. “He needs my help, that’s all. I’m doing what I can for him until he gets his own life back.”

“He’s an adult, isn’t he?” Jeff shrugs. “Damn good looking, too. I’ve seen the way he looks at you. I don’t think you’d have to ask twice.”

Jensen lets out a breath, shakes his head. “He trusts me. I’d never betray that. Right now, he’s dependent on me. He may not be a kid in years, but he’s just a baby in so many ways. Naive. I could never hurt him.”

“Doesn’t seem like it would hurt him to tell him how you feel about him.” Jeff frowns. “Might turn out he feels the same way.”

“No, no, that’s not possible,” Jensen insists. “He’s got a lot of baggage. He doesn’t know how he feels.”

“How do you know that?” Jeff stares. “Did you ask him?”

“I don’t have to ask him,” Jensen growls, suddenly angry. “We’re not going there. I’m too much of a love-‘em-and-leave-‘em type, and he’s — not. He doesn’t need me to do that to him.”

“You’re welcome to come over tonight, let off a little steam,” Jeff suggests with a smirk.

Jensen rolls his eyes. “Yeah, _that’d_ help the situation,” he grumbles.

“Well, all I can say is, something’s gotta give,” Jeff shakes his head. “You’re making yourself sick. If you keep this up, you’ll end up back in the hospital before you know it. Then you won’t be much help to anybody.”

And the thing is, Jensen knows Jeff’s right.

It’s time to find Jared another home.

Of course, that’s when everything goes to hell.

It’s Friday evening and Jensen’s working late because Jared’s working at the bar and Jensen can’t stand the thought of going home to an empty apartment.

Well, almost empty. Charlie’s there, of course, waiting for someone to take him for a walk. Jensen had promised Jared that he would get home by 10:00 so Charlie could go out one more time.

Jensen intends to keep his promise, then get drunk and pass out so that he won’t have to stare at the ceiling for the next four hours until Jared gets safely home.

The call comes in just as Jensen’s getting ready to leave. There’s a fight at Sam’s, multiple injuries.

It takes Jensen ten minutes to get there, another two minutes to find Jared. It feels like centuries.

Jared’s on the floor in a corner of the bar, two paramedics hunched down next to him, and at first all Jensen can see are his stupidly long legs. The paramedics are in the way.

“Jared! Oh my God.” Jensen pushes his way through the few people who are standing in his way, panicked when Jared doesn’t move or respond. “Police officer! Move aside!”

Jared’s unconscious. His face is a mangled mess of blood and gashes. His shirt is torn, and there are gashes on his chest and shoulder. There’s pooled blood on the floor under his head, and his hair is sticky with it.

“What happened here? Oh, Jeezus. Oh my God, Jared. What the hell, buddy? Hey! Hey! It’s me, Jay. It’s me. I’m here.”

He keeps up a steady stream of babble as the paramedics do their job patching Jared up enough to transport him to the hospital. As they roll him onto a stretcher, his eyelids flutter and his lips move.

“Jensen?”

“Yeah, yeah, buddy, it’s me. It’s me, Jared. I’m here. Not gonna leave you. They’re taking you to the hospital, man. I’ll be right there. Right next to you. Okay? You’re gonna be just fine.”

“Sir, I’ll have to ask you to step aside...”

“I’m his— He’s my— I need to ride with him!”

“Unless you’re a family member, I can’t let you ride in the ambulance,” one of the paramedics says. “We’re taking him to St. Anthony’s. You can meet us there.”

Later, Jensen can’t remember driving to the hospital. He doesn’t remember talking to the nurses in the emergency room, convincing them that he was family so they would let him into the ICU.

Somebody had a knife. Jared’s lungs have been pierced, and his heart may have been nicked. He’s bleeding internally, lost a lot of blood. Has a concussion and multiple lacerations to his face, neck, and torso. He’ll need emergency surgery. It’s not looking good. There’s a chapel if Jensen wants to pray.

For a moment, Jensen forgets. He doesn’t pray, never has. Doesn’t believe.

Then he remembers.

The chapel is cool and dim, deserted at this time of night, long after the last daily services. Jensen sits in a pew toward the front, stares at the crucifix for a moment. The figure on the cross looks a little like Jared, dark-haired and hollow-cheeked. Sorrowful.

“He doesn’t deserve this,” Jensen mutters, then raises his voice. “Damn you, he doesn’t deserve this!”

“He can’t hear you.”

Jensen jumps. Danneel stands at the edge of the altar. She leans on the wall next to the tabernacle with her arms and ankles crossed, wearing the off-white jumpsuit she wore in Jensen’s bathroom. She’s impeccable. In the gloom, Jensen can barely make out the shadows of her wings behind her shoulders.

“You need to fix him,” Jensen blurts. “Please! Don’t let him die.”

Danneel unfolds her arms, saunters slowly across the dais to the altar. She spreads her arms out on the table with her back to it, crosses her ankles casually again. She’s standing directly under the crucifix now, her position a kind of parody of it.

“So now the tables are turned,” she says. “Now _you_ want to save _him_.”

“Please forgive him for whatever he did and let him come home. He really needs to go home.”

“What makes you think you know what he needs?” Danneel demands. She crosses her arms again. She’s angry.

“I just know he doesn’t belong here,” Jensen says. “Heal him and let him go home, damn it!”

“You think he should go back to Heaven,” she growls. She’s like a mother bear, Jensen thinks. Fierce. Protective.

“I _know_ he should,” Jensen nods, not backing down. “It’s where he belongs. Give him his life back. Please!”

“You’d give him up, just like that.”

Jensen shifts uncomfortably, pushes himself off the kneeler so he’s not pleading with the angel quite so obviously.

“I want what’s best for him,” Jensen insists. “I’d give anything for him to be safe and back home, where he belongs.”

Danneel narrows her eyes, considering.

“Anything,” she repeats. Speculative. Calculating

Panic floods Jensen’s veins like ice water, then turns hot with trepidation. “I said so,” he frowns, unsure why he suddenly feels like he’s making a deal with the devil. “What? Do you want my soul? I’ll give it, if that’s what it takes.”

Danneel’s eyes widen. “Your _soul_?” She barks out a laugh that sounds a lot like disbelief. “What TV show are you watching? Do you even know what you just said?”

“I don’t care,” Jensen growls through clenched teeth. “Save Jared, and I’ll give you anything. Just name it!”

“Well, I’m not taking your soul, that’s for damn sure.” Danneel rolls her eyes. “But there is something you can do.”

“Name it.”

The angel smirks, leaning her elbows on the altar, letting her wrists dangle. “Tell him how you feel. About _him._ Tell him you’re in love with him.”

Jensen stares, then blushes and looks away. “I can’t tell him that,” he mutters, then glares at the angel. “This is life and death here. We’re talking about Jared’s _life_!”

“Yes.” Danneel nods. “We are. And I will save him, if you tell him how you feel.”

“But that— That’s got nothing to do with any of this,” Jensen insists, indignant. “How do my _feelings_ matter? What kind of game are you playing?”

“The game of life and death, Jensen, and those are the rules,” Danneel says. “You follow them, Jared lives. You don’t, he dies. It’s that simple.”

Jensen glares at the angel. “You can’t be serious. He’s not even conscious.”

“Any good nurse will tell you that patients get better when their loved ones talk to them,” Danneel says. “He can hear you. Just talk to him. Tell him how you feel. Tell him how you’ve loved him since the first time he saved your sorry ass. Tell him how sorry you are that you never told him, how you can see it’s made him unhappy, and you’re sorry to be the cause of his misery. You should have told him before, saved him a lot of pain. Tell him, and I’ll save him.”

“Jeezus,” Jensen mutters. “You’re serious.”

“Serious as Death,” Danneel agrees. “Time’s wasting. We don’t have all night.”

“If I do that, you’ll let him come home?”

“Let’s just take the most important step first,” Danneel says. “You heard my terms. You do as I ask and I’ll save Jared’s life. Then we’ll see.”

Jensen shakes his head and huffs out a laugh. “This is crazy, but okay. I’ll do it.” How hard can it be, confessing his deepest secret to a sleeping man? He can’t hurt Jared any worse than he’s already hurt.

Danneel steps closer and Jensen tries not to flinch when she reaches up and touches his cheek, pierces him with a calculating look.

“Jared gave up Heaven for you,” she says softly. “Don’t you think you can give up your safe little life for _him_? You call yourself reckless. Try taking a _real_ risk for once.”

And, with a flutter of her shadowy wings, she’s gone.

Everyone on the hospital floor thinks Jensen is Jared’s brother, so they let him sit by Jared’s bedside all night after the surgery, holding his hand. The doctor tells him Jared pulled through the surgery, but he’s not out of the woods yet. Tonight is crucial.

“Hey, buddy,” Jensen soothes, squeezing Jared’s limp hand gently. They’re keeping him unconscious with morphine, which is also controlling his pain, He’s got a tube stuck down his throat to do his breathing for him, and a heart monitor beeps constantly to let Jensen know he’s alive.

Jared’s the only patient in the ICU tonight, so although it’s far from quiet, there’s no one close enough to overhear them. Jensen feels adrenaline and exhaustion flow over him, struggles to draw courage from the feel of Jared’s fingers, solid and real if a bit cool.

“Jared.” Jensen’s chest throbs. Tears sting the corners of his eyes. “Danneel says I need to tell you how I feel.” He clears his throat. “I’m not very good at that, but here goes.” He takes a deep breath, lets it out slow. “You’re important to me, Jared. Seeing you hurt like this, knowing I got you that job–– I’m no good for you, man. It’s my fault you lost your wings. It’s my fault you lost your home. And I suck at praying. I couldn’t even get Danneel to fix you.”

He pauses so he can wipe the moisture off his cheeks with the back of his hand. Stupid tears.

“You deserve to go home, Jared. You deserve to be among your own kind. And Danneel promised that if I–– She said if I tell you how much you mean to me, she’ll fix you. Then maybe I can get her to take you home. Get your wings back. How about that, huh? I just have to man up and confess that I–– “ He shakes his head. “I don’t even why it matters, but I care about you, Jay. I care a lot. I’m no good at relationships, and I usually fuck up every time, so it’s just as well you and me never — You know. But it’s not because I don’t care. You hear me, Jared?”

Suddenly the tears are flowing. Jensen wipes furiously at his face with his free arm, keeping hold of Jared’s hand with the other.

“Okay. I said it. You hear that, Danneel?” Jensen looks up at the ceiling. “I told him. Now come down here and make good on your promise. You come here right now and fix him like you said you would. You hear me?”

The seconds tick by, and Jensen begins to think she’s not coming. He starts to imagine that the angel has reneged on their deal.

Then the sound of fluttering wings makes Jensen jump. Danneel appears out of the shadows in a corner of the room, her attention focused on Jared. There’s a sadness in her normally smirking face, a fondness when she gazes down at Jared. She moves up on the other side of the bed and places her hand on Jared’s forehead.

Jensen’s suddenly sure that it’s the end. This is the last time he’ll see Jared alive because Danneel’s here to take him home. Fixing Jared means taking him back to Heaven, which means he’ll die right here, right now, and there’s nothing Jensen can do because Jensen made a deal. This is how Danneel plans to “fix” Jared, Jensen’s sure of it.

She just had to humiliate Jensen first.

Jensen’s crying now, holding Jared’s hand with both of Jensen’s, letting his tears fall unheeded on the hospital blanket.

“Goodbye, Jay. I promise to take care of Charlie. Don’t worry about us. We’ll be fine. I love you, Jared. Love you so much, man.”

He’s vaguely aware of Danneel’s long-suffering sigh as she removes her hand from Jared’s forehead and disappears.

“Such a drama queen! God!”

Jared wakes up with a gasp. His whole body convulses, his eyes flutter open and he tries to cough.

Jensen forgets about the call button and starts yelling for a nurse.

“Jensen,” Jared croaks after the doctor removes his breathing tube.

“Right here, buddy.”

Jared’s fingers tangle around Jensen’s. He squeezes them as he closes his eyes.

“I love you, too,” he croaks. There’s a little smile on his lips.

Jensen blushes but he doesn’t let go of Jared’s hand.

The doctors do test after test, trying to figure out what happened. Jared’s internal hemorrhaging hasn’t just stopped. There are no signs of the injuries that were killing him in the first place. In fact, all of his wounds have healed overnight. The best excuse the doctors can come up with is that Jared experienced some form of “spontaneous attenuation.”

Then they decide that their initial CT scans and x-rays were wrong. The films got mixed up. Jared can’t be the guy they operated on last night.

Not one medical professional uses the word “miracle” to explain Jared’s sudden return to perfect health.

The hospital insists on keeping him for another day, for “observation.” They want him to come back for follow-up scans and x-rays.

But Jensen knows they won’t be back. He knows what really happened.

Jensen goes home to feed and walk Charlie. He returns one of the half-dozen calls from Jeff, explaining that Jared had a close call, but he’s fine now. When he gets back to the hospital, he finds Jared sitting in an armchair by the window. They moved him out of the ICU and into a single room just a few hours before. The nurses are spooked. They keep whispering about all the blood, all the sheets they changed when Jared was first brought in.

“Now there’s not a scratch on him,” Jensen overhears as he heads into Jared’s room. “It’s so weird!”

Jared looks up as Jensen walks in. He hands Jared a turkey sandwich on homemade bread and a bottle of water.

“Figured you’d be hungry, after all the excitement. Almost being dead and all.”

Jared smiles, opens the wrapper and takes a bite of the sandwich. “Hmmm. Good,” he mumbles through a mouthful.

“Hospitals have terrible food,” Jensen goes on. “They’re probably starving you.”

Jensen paces the room, flips on the TV while Jared eats. Finally there’s nothing to do but sit, nowhere to sit but on the edge of the bed.

“So how’s Charlie?” Jared finally breaks the silence between them, and Jensen nods, grateful.

“He’s good. Misses you.”

Jared balls up the empty food wrapper in his big hands, makes a perfect basket. Jensen lifts an eyebrow, impressed.

“Nurse says I can go home today.”

Home. Huh.

“That’s good,” Jensen nods. “Real good. So, what are we waiting for?”

Charlie is beside himself with excitement when Jared walks through the door. He folds himself down to Charlie’s level on the floor as he greets his canine friend, lets Charlie climb all over him, wagging his tail and licking his face. Jensen can’t help enjoying the reunion, and for a moment all he can do is watch. Jared’s toothy grin, his dimpled cheeks, the way his freshly-washed hair falls across his cheek, his big hands rubbing Charlie’s fur––

All of it adds up to something more than just a sexy man with a beautiful body, but Jensen still can’t trust himself.

He tears his eyes away, runs a hand through Jared’s hair as he passes him to get to the kitchen.

“I’ll rustle us up something to eat,” he promises. He can feel Jared watching him, hazel eyes boring into his back, maybe dropping to his ass.

As he pulls pots and pans out of cupboards and bangs them on the stove, he hears Jared come in, hears Charlie’s toenails clicking rapidly along the kitchen tile as he follows.

“Jensen.”

_Here it comes,_ Jensen thinks. _The Talk. The Confession._

“Okay, you know what? I’m just gonna come right out and say it.” Jared huffs out a breath.

Jensen grabs the first can of chili he finds, busies himself opening it just so he doesn’t have to turn around.

“What happened in the hospital–– Jensen, I meant what I said. I hope you did, too. But even if you didn’t, I want you to know that I’ve felt that way about you since I first saw you. Don’t laugh at me, it’s true. From that first moment, all I wanted to do was be with you. And it didn’t matter what that meant. If I had to stop being an angel, okay. If I had to give up Heaven, okay. If I had to live on the streets and work as a dishwasher for the rest of my life — my natural human life — okay. And I don’t want you to feel like you owe me a thing, because you don’t. If I can be your friend — just hang out with you sometimes, nothing more — that’s okay, too.”

Jared takes a breath and Jensen dumps the chili into a pan, turns on the burner, grabs a wooden spoon from its hook over the stove.

“So if you didn’t mean what you said in the hospital, that’s okay. Doesn’t change how I feel. Doesn’t change _anything,_ really.”

Jared makes a sound, and in Jensen’s mind’s eye he can almost see the big hand slide through his hair, the way he leans his hip on the counter. Jensen can almost see the look of concentration and distress on his handsome face. It’s painful. It needs to stop.

“I just hope you’ll let me stay another week or so, till I get paid. I want to find a room where I can keep Charlie, and I figure it’ll take me a few days...”

“Stop.” Jensen keeps his voice low to keep it from shaking. He’s not sure he can keep it together much longer. He shuts off the stove and turns around, trying not to flinch when he sees Jared’s face. “Just stop, okay? I meant what I said in the hospital. Every word. It’s just.” He takes a deep breath to steady his voice. “I’ve never been any good at relationships. Everybody I’ve ever loved has left. And I don’t blame them. I’m a asshole. When you get to know me, you’ll probably want to leave, too.”

“No,” Jared shakes his head. “No, I won’t. Not ever.”

Jensen looks up, sees the sincerity in Jared’s expression, and almost loses it. Almost.

“Jared.”

“Please, Jensen. Please just give this a chance. Give _us_ a chance.” Jared huffs out a laugh. “I don’t even know what that means, exactly. I just know I want to be with you, whatever and however you want it. I— I _need_ to be with you.”

“Jared.” Jensen turns back to the stove, shaking his head.

He never even sees it coming, the way Jared moves, the way he grabs Jensen’s shoulders and spins him around, grabs awkwardly at his face with his stupidly huge hands and holds Jensen in place as he leans in. The moment before Jared kisses him, Jensen thinks this is probably the stupidest thing he’s ever done.

There’s no coming back from this, his brain tells him. No safety net. No stunt double. This is the moment when Jared finds out how much Jensen loves him. There’s no turning back now. No pulling up. No avoiding the inevitable.

Jared’s lips are soft. They’re impossibly gentle, and it takes Jensen a minute to adjust. He’d expected passion, youthful fortitude, determination and lustful enthusiasm.

It hadn’t occurred to him that Jared was probably a virgin.

He lets Jared kiss him, soft and gentle and filled with longing, and it occurs to Jensen that this is probably Jared’s first kiss. He lets Jared kiss him until the poor kid is trembling, until he’s had enough and has to pull back. Jared’s cheeks are flushed pink, his lips slick, his eyes damp with tears. He glances down at Jensen’s mouth, licks his lips before raising his expressive eyes to Jensen’s. He’s still holding Jensen’s face.

Jensen manages a weak smile. He’s trembling, too, but with fear as much as anything.

He loves this boy so damn much.

“I’m not leaving you, Jensen,” Jared pants, giving voice to Jensen’s worst fear like it’s something Jared’s always known, like it’s something he understands and takes for granted about Jensen, Jensen’s fear of losing the people he loves. “I’m here to stay, any way you want me. Do you want me, Jensen?”

_You know I do,_ Jensen thinks, gazing up at the beautiful man pressed against him. Jensen can feel the evidence of Jared’s desire, slotted into his hip, right next to Jensen’s.

Jensen’s hands close over Jared’s as he gently pulls them off his face. He turns the left one palm up and plants a kiss on the meatiest part, thinks about slipping Jared’s long thumb into his mouth but decides it’s too much, too soon.

When he looks up, Jared’s lips are parted and his eyes are blown almost completely dark.

“Come on.” Jensen pushes gently, still holding Jared’s hand, and leads Jared out of the kitchen, down the hall to his bedroom.

“Stay,” Jared tells Charlie as he closes the door behind them.

They undress slowly, taking their time as they get to know each other’s bodies. Jensen’s head spins with the thought that Jared’s body is some kind of human manifestation of the divine being he used to be, and Jared seems equally overwhelmed by Jensen’s nakedness.

Men and women have admired Jensen, gazed at him with lust and longing, told him how beautiful he is. But Jensen’s never had anyone treat him with as much care and tenderness as Jared does. Jared makes love as if it’s an expression of the protectiveness and guardianship he felt towards Jensen when he was an angel. It’s as if Jared still sees the fragile human Jensen seemed to be when Jared was an all-powerful being.

At the same time, as Jared holds him, Jensen feels the specialness that he felt when Angel Jared wrapped him up in his wings. Even as a human, Jared conveys awe and reverence for Jensen’s soul, not just his body.

Maybe it’s knowing that Jared fell in love while he was still angelic. Maybe it’s the fact that Jared seems to see more than just a pretty face when he looks at Jensen. He’s always seen more than that, couldn’t have cared less about how Jensen looked when Jared was an angel. 

_Angels see the human soul when they look at us,_ Jensen’s mother had told him once. _They see how pure or sullied we are on the inside, no matter what we look like or how good we try to be._

Maybe he’ll ask Jared if that’s true, Jensen thinks as Jared lifts his head to look up at him. He’s kneeling between Jensen’s legs, holding Jensen’s dick after kissing it thoroughly, and Jensen thinks this is probably his new Heaven. If everything goes south from this moment, he’ll always have this image in his head to fall back on.

He needs to stop doing that. It’s a terrible habit, the way he collects good moments in his memory. He’s always done it, always assumed there’d be a day when he’d need them.

That needs to stop. He can’t do that with Jared, can’t keep assuming there’ll come a day when Jared will be gone. He needs to trust Jared to stay.

Jensen knows this rationally, but it’s a hard habit to break. Everyone in his family has either died or left, and Jensen has never been able to hold onto a relationship for more than a couple of weeks. He’s sure that anyone who could love him isn’t worth the effort.

Jared’s worth so much more than that. Jared’s value is incalculable, and not just because he’s a former supernatural creature. Jared makes Jensen really see himself for the first time, and what he sees reflected in Jared’s eyes isn’t so terrible after all. With Jared’s love and care, Jensen might even learn to like himself, just a little.

Miracles can happen, after all. Jared’s living proof of that.

They stay home from work for a week, getting out of bed only to eat or shower or take Charlie for a walk. Jensen had been right about Jared’s virginity, so they take it slow, getting to know each other’s bodies, finding out what turns each other on the most. Once Jared learns the mechanics of sex, he can’t seem to get enough. He’s a responsive and sensitive lover, eager and willing to learn, ready to try anything.

Jensen didn’t think it was possible to be any more in love with Jared, but he was wrong.

At the end of the week, they agree they should probably go back out into the world, do the work that puts food on the table, pretend there are other people they should talk to. Of course, whenever one of them suggests leaving their little love nest, the other one gets that look in his eyes and it’s all over.

They make phone calls to their respective employers without looking at each other, then drop their phones and roll into bed again, giggling like idiots. It’s Jensen’s turn to top, and he’s a little anal about it, forgive the pun. The one who tops gets to spend as much time worshipping the other one as he wants, so Jensen’s a little distracted. Along with every other inch of Jared’s body, his back is an erogenous zone that Jensen can’t seem to get enough of.

Jensen runs his hand along Jared’s shoulder blades. Jared shudders, his eyes close, and he sucks in a breath through his teeth.

“Does that hurt?” Jensen asks, gentling his touch even more as he runs his hand down Jared’s back.

“It’s more like a tickle,” Jared answers. “I keep expecting to feel something else.”

Jensen understands then. He’s read about people who lose a limb and think they can still feel it. Jared’s loss is just as palpable. His wings defined him, allowed him to do what he was meant to do. They saved Jensen, more than once. If Jensen closes his eyes, he can almost feel them wrapped around him, holding him tight and close against Jared’s chest, creating a safe place for them both.

“Lie on your belly,” Jensen directs.

Jared hesitates, his face screwed up in protest. Jensen leans in, kisses the look off Jared’s face. Kisses him thoroughly and carefully.

“Do you trust me?” he asks when he draws back.

Jared opens his eyes, nods solemnly. He lets Jensen push him down on his front, gentle but insistent. He positions Jared’s arms up over his head and Jared tucks them under the pillow, lays his head there and waits.

Jensen climbs up until he’s straddling Jared’s hips. When he leans down to kiss each shoulder blade, Jared shudders again but lies still. Jensen closes his eyes and leaves careful, lingering kisses along the bones of Jared’s back, starting with his top vertebrae and working his way down Jared’s spine as Jared shivers and bucks shallowly.

“Fuck me, Jensen,” Jared gasps, obviously out of his mind with pleasure. “Just do it!”

When Jensen enters Jared, it’s as slow and careful as his kisses, as much a prayer of gratitude as a claiming. Jensen possesses Jared, the angel who saved him, the man who taught him that he was worth saving, and Jensen understands that he’s the one doing the saving. It’s his choice to let Jared love him, to let Jared into his heart. He’s saving himself.

“I love you,” Jensen murmurs into Jared’s ear as he plasters himself to Jared’s sweat-soaked skin, pumps his orgasm deep into Jared’s willing body, hearing Jared’s clenched cry as he comes untouched beneath him. “I love you so damn much.”

Jeff smirks at him the next morning at the precinct.

He knows. Jeff can read Jensen like a book.

“Have yourself a good week off, did you?” he asks, sitting on the corner of Jensen’s desk so Jensen can’t possibly get up and run.

“Go ahead,” Jensen scoffs. “Say ‘I told you so.’”

Jeff’s grin broadens, and Jensen might feel offended at how easily Jeff seems to be letting him go, except. Jeff’s being a good friend, like he’s always been. 

“I can’t keep him safe.” Jensen shakes his head.

“Yes you can,” Jeff says. “Just teach him a few things. You’re a cop, Jensen. Teach him how to defend himself. Bullies always go for the big guy. Teach him how to protect himself.”

Jensen nods. It occurs to him that Jeff’s always been on his side, always wanted what was best for Jensen. Jeff always saw the best in Jensen, even if he couldn’t see it himself.

“You’re a good friend,” Jensen says, not even caring if he sounds sentimental.

“Go fuck yourself,” Jeff huffs, sliding off Jensen’s desk with barely a glance. He’s still smiling, though. “I need those reports on my desk first thing tomorrow morning.”

“Sure thing, chief,” Jensen nods, trying not to smile.

He finds her at Sam’s. She’s sipping coffee and staring out the window, dressed casually in jeans and a t-shirt. She seems smaller, more fragile, and there’s no sign of wings.

It’s been almost three months since the night Jared got stabbed, two months since the guy who did it was found dead in an alley two towns over, drug deal gone bad. Divine justice, Jeff pronounced at the time, since it would’ve been nearly impossible to press charges against him for Jared’s near-murder. Mark Pellegrino had a rap sheet a mile long, had proudly admitted to anyone who would listen that he “pig-stuck that big bouncer at Sam’s real good.”

Jensen would’ve liked a chance to give the asshole his own brand of not-so-divine justice, but when he said as much, Jared shook his head and kissed him.

“It’s all over now, Jensen. Let it go.”

Jared’s back at work washing dishes in the diner during the day, and in the evenings Sam’s promoted him to bartender. In his spare time, he practices his cooking skills at home in their kitchen, and Sam’s promised to promote him when the old cook retires.

Jensen makes eye contact with Jared as he heads down to Danneel’s table. Jared glances at Danneel and shrugs, which is how Jensen knows they’ve already talked. Jared texted him as soon as she showed up.

Danneel looks up when he reaches her table, nods at the seat across.

“They demoted me,” she says as Jensen slides into the booth. “Interfering with human affairs.” She snorts. “As if.”

“Are you gonna be okay?”

Jensen’s wondering if he needs to open a shelter for wayward angels and animals. They’ve adopted a stray cat, in addition to the puppy Jared found in an alley about a month ago. It’s getting a little crowded in their one-bedroom apartment. They’ve started to look for a house.

“Oh hell yeah,” Danneel smirks. “This is just temporary. I’ve got resources. And strategies. No way those tight-ass bitches gonna keep me outta Heaven for long.”

“You’ve got a plan?” Jensen raises an eyebrow.

“As a matter of fact, I do.”

Jensen follows her gaze to the petite brunette manning the cash register.

“She’s cute,” he observes.

“Oh hell yeah.” Danneel licks her lips. “Her name’s Gen, just like you. I figure I’ve found my own little piece of Heaven right here at Sam’s, same as you. What a shocker.”

Jensen smiles, shakes his head. “I never had a chance to thank you.”

“Well? I’m right here,” Danneel shrugs. “You can thank me now.”

Jensen nods. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.” Danneel looks up, past Jensen’s shoulder, and Jensen knows without turning his head that she’s looking at Jared. “You take care of him. He gave up a lot for you.”

Jensen nods. “I know.”

She pins him with a glare for a moment, and Jensen’s never felt more naked, including that day in his bathroom.

“Just see that you do,” she says. Then she shakes her head. “I’ll never understand why he did what he did. I mean, I do _now_ , of course. Humans are stupid. But angels aren’t supposed to fall in love with humans. It’s never happened before, not likely to happen again. You two are such exceptions to every rule it makes me sick.”

She raises her eyes, catches the cashier looking at her and blushes, and Jensen doesn’t dare let on that he noticed. He looks away when she glares at him again, pretends to look at his coffee instead.

“You are such an asshole, you know that?” Danneel opines, shaking her head. “I should hate you. I should hate you both.”

Jensen says nothing, stirs his coffee with his spoon and tries not to smile.

The angel leans across the table. “Never forget, I’ve seen you naked,” she whispers.

Before Jensen can respond, Danneel gets up, saunters down the diner toward the cashier and her future as a human. At least temporarily.

Jared catches Jensen’s eye as he watches her go, scrunches up his forehead.

_It’s all good,_ Jensen thinks with a nod. _As long as we’re together, it’s all gonna work out fine._

He watches as Jared reads his look, smiles his dimpled smile as he ducks his head to hide his blush.

It’s the way it was always meant to be.

_fin_


End file.
